I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I would fuck him just for his dog
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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