pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
