mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
