is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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