Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
