I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
