Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
