Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
