ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
