At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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