We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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