you guys were way drunker than both of me
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
