theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
