when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
