Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
