I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
