I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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