I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
