Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
