Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
