The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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