A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
