Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
