If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
