Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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