Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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