Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
