you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
