if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
