i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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