Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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