How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
