How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
