I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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