How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
