I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
