I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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