we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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