i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Randomize
