Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
