So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
