Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
