what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
