ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
40s are totally the cure
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
