why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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