Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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