after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
