Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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