Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
