why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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