scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
