At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
