So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My pussy is not your playground.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
