Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
